(This chapter is complementary to the Calm chapter in the Theory section, which should probably be read first.)
Calm is defined as a state of observing without reacting. Since non-reflexive reactions are preceded by judgment (whether realized or not), the practice of cultivating calm is about removing judgment. Without judgment, there is no reaction. In other words, by removing the judgment, it is possible to establish the state of observing without reacting, i.e., a calm state. However, the mind doesn’t cooperate with the effort of removing judgment alone. It demands a label. To satisfy the demand, the judgmental label needs to be replaced with a non-judgmental one. A label that enables the switch is the word ‘interesting’ (it is non-judgmental and it accurately describes everything — everything in perceived reality is interesting, if for no other reason, because perception and consciousness are interesting). Cultivating calm then comes down to replacing judgment with interest.
The practice is composed of two steps: (1) Identifying automatically judged data and replacing the judgment with the non-judgmental label interesting, and (2) Discovering something in that data that is genuinely interesting.
Before diving in, a note: the two steps described above are, in essence, what I mean by my overarching recommendation — be more curious and less serious — a disposition I consider one of the most practical tools in the pursuit of happiness.
The practice begins with developing conscious awareness of the automatic judgments the mind generates. I suggest starting by monitoring (even counting) the number of times your mind passes judgment (positive or negative) in a day or a part of the day (it’s usually surprisingly large, in itself a useful realization). This requires observing your stream of thoughts with some vigilance, paying extra attention to the occurrence of judgmental statements. It doesn’t take too long — in my experience, a week or two of committed monitoring is usually enough to develop the required awareness of the mind’s judgmental nature.
Along the way, it is useful to become familiar with the specific terminology your mind uses as it judges. Each of us tends to use several judgmental terms repeatedly. For example — good, sweet, beautiful, nice, lovely, great, awesome, and so on for positive judgments; bad, nasty, ugly, messed-up, fucked-up, awful, horrible, and so on for negative judgments. Familiarity with your repertoire of judgmental terms helps notice them as they flow by in one’s stream of thoughts.
After you develop the ability to “catch” your mind as it judges, you can proceed to the next step, which is somewhat mechanical — repeating the judgmental statement, but replacing the judgmental term with the word interesting. I suggest doing this 5-10 times each day, until it becomes easy and feels natural; it usually takes a few weeks.
The next step is where “the rubber meets the road.” This step centers on moving from merely labeling something as interesting to finding something that is truly, personally interesting in the ‘thing’ you are dealing with (i.e., it doesn’t have to be universally interesting; it just has to be interesting to you). This step can be difficult, but, as always, it gets easier with repetition.
Identifying something genuinely interesting in a given experience is particularly challenging when the experience involves discomfort or pain. It can be difficult to find something interesting in unexpected cold water coming at you from the showerhead or in a traffic jam (not to mention a headache or a toothache). We tend to lose our normal curiosity when we are uncomfortable or in pain.
It is difficult, if not impossible, to fake interest to yourself — one generally knows the difference between just saying that something is interesting and finding something genuinely interesting (it becomes even more evident with practice). The good news is that when you discover something interesting, it stands out. When you are genuinely interested, you know it.
Once you discover something genuinely interesting, focus on it for a minute or so, and with that, you have completed the drill. I think it is reasonable to repeat it about 5 times a day.
Before too long, this becomes a useful skill for calming one’s mind. With enough practice, it is possible to cultivate an ability to maintain calm even in the face of considerable storms.
Here are a couple of simple, first-hand examples: As I take a sip of orange juice at breakfast, I notice the automatic judgment, “This is so good.” I make a note of this judgment. Next (it can be later in the day, it doesn’t have to be immediate), I replay the statement, replacing the judgmental term with the word interesting. Instead of saying, “This juice is so good,” I say, “This juice is so interesting.” Then, I look for something in the experience of tasting orange juice that genuinely interests me. It may be the neurology of the sense of taste. Or the evolutionary explanation for why we prefer cold liquids (over lukewarm). When I focus my attention on what interests me, I can sense my mind’s willingness to let go of habitual, automatic judgment, and the simple act of drinking orange juice becomes a calmer experience.
Another person may find the economy of citrus agriculture and the industry around it, or the highway infrastructure required for the distribution of orange juice, more interesting. Whatever one finds interesting offers a new perspective on the orange juice, replacing the automatic judgmental response.
As I mentioned earlier, the same sequence is more challenging when the experience is negative, i.e., involving discomfort or pain, even if it’s mild. Nonetheless, it can be done.
For example, earlier today I received a message that a meeting I was looking forward to had been canceled, which was quite disappointing. As it is prone to do, my mind automatically, instantaneously labeled this news with a negative label (I will spare you the specific terminology my mind uses, to protect the innocence of the rare innocent reader). Given that I have considerable practice in this, I noticed the judgment as it happened. I replayed it, replacing the judgmental, negative terminology with the word interesting. Next, I searched for something interesting in the meeting’s cancellation. It didn’t take long for several candidate answers to emerge. The list of “potentially interesting things” included (1) the magnitude of my disappointment, (2) the expectations that (I didn’t realize) I had for the meeting, (3) the fact that I had never considered the possibility that the meeting would be canceled, and (4) the reason(s) the meeting was canceled. I decided to focus on the last one, the possible reason for the cancellation. Merely replacing the automatic, negative judgment with genuine interest, I noticed my mind becoming calmer. Furthermore, reflecting on the possible reasons for the cancellation, I recalled that one of the other participants in the meeting was dealing with a health problem and was awaiting a diagnosis. My disappointment was automatically replaced with hope for my colleague’s well-being. The next thing that came to my mind, once it was calmer, was the question of how to best use my unexpected free time; I decided to use it to finish writing this section, which I consider a pretty good choice (and hope you agree).
Examples involving sipping orange juice and canceled meetings are, of course, trivial and mundane. I could have chosen much more intense, high-stakes situations as examples of experiences in which this practice has served me well. However, I think that avoiding unnecessary drama shows good taste and self-restraint, so I will not. I hope you will take my word on it: The practice outlined above supports maintaining a calm mind regardless of the specifics of the situation. Of course, this doesn’t work all the time. There is a level of intensity (both positive and negative) that would overwhelm my practice. I still have a lot of room to improve and much to practice. Nonetheless, the progress I have made makes a significant difference in my life and is, unquestionably, worth the effort.
I am sure my experience is generalizable: it requires a fair amount of repetition before the practice becomes applicable, even in mundane circumstances; it generally takes a lot of practice to apply it successfully in highly charged situations. Such is life — developing mastery takes countless repetitions. It should not be surprising that developing mastery in maintaining a calm mind is no exception. But it’s really worth it — the capacity to cultivate calm at will is truly, deeply rewarding.
← Previous