(The following section is complementary to the Theory of Calm section presented at https://whatilearnedsofar.com/theory/calm/ which should probably be read first.)
The first step in the practice of cultivating calm is to bring the automatic, reflexive judging function of the mind (which usually goes on unnoticed) into conscious awareness. This is done by paying attention to judgmental statements as they are made, as a part of the ongoing stream of thoughts throughout the wakeful hours of the day. We use countless judgmental terms to denote positive (e.g. — good, sweet, beautiful, nice, lovely, great, awesome and so on) and negative (e.g. — bad, nasty, ugly, messed-up, fucked up, awful, horrible and so on) judgments. The specific term used is of no importance. What is important is developing an ear for the judgmental statements as they show up in the stream of thoughts. Try to keep track of the number of times your mind judges (either positively or negatively) in a day. Take a week or so simply for this task — developing awareness an appreciation of the mind’s judgmental nature.
As you become better at recognizing your mind’s judging habit you can move on to the next step in the practice: Take a few minutes each day to replay an earlier moment of judgment replacing the judgmental-term (that you had used in real time) with the word ‘interesting’.
The next step is where ‘the rubber meets the road’: Discover something that is genuinely interesting to you what earlier, in real time, you had judged. The point is that it has to be genuinely interesting. One cannot pretend to oneself to be interested — you will always know it once you find the interesting angle; and just the same, you will always know if you have not. When you discover the facet that is genuinely interesting to you, focus on it for a few minutes, explore it in your mind. And that is all there is to the practice. The rest will happen on its own, with repetition.
For example, as I take a sip of orange juice at breakfast I hear in my mind the automatic judgment “this is so good”, and I make a note of this judgment. Later in the day, as part of my practice of cultivating calm, I replay the statement about the juice. But instead of saying “this juice is so good” I say “this juice is so interesting”. Next, I look for something in the experience of tasting the juice that is genuinely interesting to me. It may be the neurology of the sense of taste. Or the evolutionary link that ties the need for hydration and the pleasurable sensations associated with the flavor and temperature of refrigerated orange juice. Alternatively, the interesting thing may be the economy of citrus agriculture and the industry around it. Or the highway infrastructure required for the distribution of orange juice throughout the continent. Whatever I find interesting can serve as a new point of view from which I can re-experience the orange juice.
Since I drink orange juice most mornings, it is a readily available practice opportunity. Monitoring my thoughts, when I notice of the automatic judgment of the orange juice (e.g., “this is so good”) I can let it trigger recalling that which I know is interesting to me about the experience. For example, the complex sequence of neurological events that take place behind taking a sip from a cup of juice. Focusing on this interesting aspect of drinking orange juice I try to let it replace the subjective judgment of it as good. As I manage to focus on that which is interesting to me about the experience of drinking orange juice, letting it replace the habitual, automatic judgment of it, drinking orange juice becomes a calmer experience.
It is more challenging when the experience is painful, rather than pleasant. For example, earlier today I got a message that a meeting I was looking forward to later in the day was cancelled. I was quite disappointed (disappointment is a mental pain). As the mind is prone to do, it automatically and instantaneously labeled this news with an intensely negative label (the specific terminology will be omitted in order to maintain a cultured facade and the innocence of the innocent). Yet, I made a note of this judgment as it took place. A bit later I replayed the experience and replaced the judgmental, negative terminology with the word ‘interesting’. Then, I searched for the interesting angel. I asked “what could be genuinely interesting to me about this cancellation?” A number of possible answers surfaced in my mind: I considered the magnitude of my disappointment, the expectations that I didn’t realize I had for the meeting, and that I had never taken into consideration the possibility that the meeting would be cancelled potentially interesting. Ultimately, what I thought was most interesting was the reason for the cancellation. As I started thinking about the possible reasons that the meeting was cancelled I realized it might have been due to an unexpected problem one of the other participants was facing. I found it interesting that my disappointment automatically displaced thinking about the well being of the other participants. From there my mind, seemingly automatically, filled with wishing them well and hoping that they were fine. The next thing that came to my mind was wondering how to best use my unexpected free time (I decided to use it to finish this section of the website, by he way). As I replaced the automatic negative judgment that was triggered by the cancellation with interest about it I witnessed myself becoming more calm and with that, less unhappy about it.
It is just a matter of time before a something similar happens again. Favorably anticipated scheduled events get cancelled occasionally. I will try to remember this lesson; when something similar happens again, I will attempt to find something interesting in it as close as I can to the moment I learn of the cancellation. When I become able to replace judgment with interest in real-time, i.e., as soon as I get the news, I will experience the change in plans with calm, and therefore, in a way that better fits my pursuit of happiness.
I deliberately chose trivial, mundane examples. I could have shared with you examples involving much more intense experiences of highly charged, high stakes situations in which my practice of replacing judgment with interest served me well. But I prefer to avoid the drama. Still, these experiences serve as strong evidence of the efficacy of this approach to promote calm and thus, support the pursuit of happiness. It takes countless repetitions to develop mastery in any area. It is not surprisingly that developing mastery in maintaining a calm mind in the face of painful experiences is no exception; yet, it is difficult to think of an area in which the investing the required effort is more rewarding.