(The following section is complementary to the Inner Discipline chapter in the Theory section, presented at https://whatilearnedsofar.com/theory/inner-discipline/ which should probably be read first.)
Discipline is the capacity to follow a rule over time. It is inner-discipline when the rule is generated internally. In other words, inner discipline is the capacity to live by your own rules. Inner discipline is of great importance in the pursuit of happiness, because the pursuit of happiness depends on freedom. Cultivating inner discipline is the only way to directly invest in one’s own freedom.
This sections presents a practice of cultivate compassionate inner-discipline, which is the most effective discipline variant in promoting and protecting freedom (for a detailed discussion of the discipline and its variants see the Theory section http://wp.me/P7aKBB-no ).
The operative term in the definition of inner discipline is the word rule. The practice of cultivating inner discipline begins with generating a rule. No rule, no practice.
Rules come in two flavors — good and bad (or, to avoid judgmental terms, we can say functional and dysfunctional). Obviously, one aspires to come up with functional rules. Three criteria need to be met to ensure the functionality, or quality, of one’s rules: First, functional rules make common sense. Second, functional rules are simple and can be stated concisely. And third, functional rules are measurable.
Let’s explore the common-sense aspect first. If a rule doesn’t make common sense it is unlikely to promote anything of positive value. For example, if my rule was to insult one person a day I’d have a doable, but worthless, rule. It doesn’t make common sense to have such a rule.
Rules that lack common sense can lead to the opposite of the desired effect. For example, patients suffering from anorexia typically have rigid rules around eating and/or physical exercise. Invariably, these rules have a detrimental effect – they are incarcerating rather than liberating. The anorexic patient’s rules have a negative impact because they not only lack common sense, they fly in the face of it.
The common sensibility of rules also means that the behavior prescribed by the rule is within the reach of the practitioner. If the rule is too difficult it can be a set-up for failure. Obviously, that is to be avoided. A functional rule should be the opposite — a set-up for success. For example, if the last time you worked out was in the previous century it would not be sensible for your rule to be a five mile jog every morning. You want the rule to be a small step ahead of your current level of physical activity. A ten minute walk every other day would probably be a more functional rule to start with (the dreadful cliché – ‘baby steps’ comes to mind. Cliché or not, steady progress happens in small increments).
To asses the common sensibility of a rule, as a mental experiment, imagine asking ten ‘common’, or ordinary, folks for their opinion about it (this, of course, doesn’t have to be a mental experiment; you can actually ask a few people you consider sensible for their opinion of a rule you are considering). If the vast majority of ordinary folks, imaginary or real, find a rule acceptable, it probably makes common sense, and vice versa.
The second requirement of functional rules is clarity and simplicity. Rules that are stated vaguely or overly complex rules will derail the practice of cultivating inner discipline. For the most part, functional rules can be stated in one or two short sentences. It’s a very good idea to write the rule you are considering on paper or screen. Writing it down will help expose rules that are too vague or too complex.
The third criterion of good rules is measurability. ‘I will be a better person’ is perhaps an admirable aspiration but a lousy rule, because it is not measurable. In comparison, ‘I will donate 10% of every paycheck I get to my favorite charity organization’ is a much more functional rule. Similarly, ‘I will study more’ is immeasurable and thus will not support a practice. ‘I will study for one hour a day’ is a much more useful rule for the purpose of cultivating inner discipline.
The speed limit law can be used as a model for rule functionality (regardless of whether you like it or not):
1. It is common-sensical. A 5mph speed limit would greatly reduce highway accidents; 300mph limit would eliminate any speedsters’ complaints. Both are simple and measurable, but both fail the common-sense criteria and as such would be dysfunctional rules.
2. It is clear and concise — The speed limit rule fits on a road sign. No vagueness, no loop-holes and no room for debate. (When the speed limit law was first introduced it met with resistance. The state of Montana, attempting to soften the blow, stated the law rather vaguely, along the lines of ‘drivers must not exceed the safe speed for the current driving conditions’. The vagueness of this statement made it an impossible rule to work with, and it wasn’t long before it was restated in the familiar format). And,
3. It is measurable, as anybody who was ticketed for speeding knows too well.
I’ve witnessed my patients practicing cultivating inner discipline using rules pertaining to every aspect of life, including work (e.g., “I will show up to work daily ten minutes earlier than when I have to”), study (e.g., “I will spend one hour a day studying in the library), home keeping (e.g., “I will clean my home 30 minutes every Saturday and Sunday”), sobriety (e.g., “I will attend 90 AA meetings in 90 days”) exercise (ranging from just showing up at a gym every day, to training for four hours a day for a triathlon), diet (e.g., “I will not eat between meals”) and money-management (e.g., “I will check my checking account balance before spending any money”). It doesn’t take long (usually, a few weeks) before adherence to such rules yields an undeniable sense of liberation.
Next, we need to discuss the consequence of breaking your rule. As discussed in the Theory section, breaking a rule must have consequences (otherwise it’s a recommendation, not a rule). To maximize the positive relationship between inner discipline and freedom, the consequences for breaking a rule should be compassionate rather than punishing (again, for a details see the Theory section http://wp.me/P7aKBB-no ).
The compassionate consequence for breaking your rule should be a 3-4 minute of contemplation of the circumstances surrounding your failure to live by your own rule.
In other words, the practice of cultivating compassionate inner-discipline requires of the practitioner a commitment to take a few minutes (before the day is over) for a specific contemplative meditation session. The short mediation session is the consequence for not following the rule. Given its inherent non-violent nature, meditation as a form of consequence is non-punishing, or compassionate.
(Side-note: If you sense a paradox here, you are not off-target. The requirement to make a commitment suggests that one needs to have inner discipline in order to cultivate inner discipline… But, such is the case. A rudimentary level of inner discipline is needed in order to develop more of it. Because of this the definition of discipline uses the word ‘capacity’ (rather than ‘ability’) pointing to a rudimentary level of discipline as a built-in human trait. Some discipline is hard-wired into the human brain. It may be minimal, but it has to be present to allow cultivating more.)
And now, to the specifics of this meditation session: It should be brief, 3-4 minutes composed of two parts, approximately of equal length. In the first half focus on the pleasure you derived from breaking your rule. In the second half focus on the freedom you aspire to achieve; the freedom for which you have the practice in the first place.
If you made a conscious decision to break your own rule, there must have been a reward in it — some kind of a pleasure you derived from doing so. In the first part of your meditation identify that pleasure and, to the best of your ability, replay it in detail in your mind. For example, it may be the pleasure of staying in a warm bed, the pleasure of taking a bite of a chocolate bar, or perhaps the pleasure of doing nothing (it may even be the dubious pleasure of forgetting about the whole thing; this is an exception, given that forgetting is not a conscious decision. Still, focus on the pleasure you derived from forgetting about it). Try your best to recapture, essentially, to relive the pleasure you had experienced as a result of breaking your rule.
After two minutes or so of this, move on to the second part of your session. Now, make a effort to focus on the freedom you seek. Concentrate on this freedom with the same intensity. For example, it may be freedom from extra weight, a financial freedom, a creative freedom, or freedom from a feeling such as guilt, shame or anxiety. It may be a combination of a number of “freedoms”. At the end of the session you should have a clear idea of both the pleasure and the freedom pertaining to your choice to break your rule.
The choice to break one’s own rule invariably comes down to investing in pleasure over freedom, a fact that is easy to overlook in real-time. In general (but arguably not always), preferentially investing one’s resources in the pursuit of pleasure over freedom is a lousy investment strategy. This becomes undeniably clear through a serious comparison the pleasure and the freedom at hand (which is the essence of the compassionate consequences for breaking your rule).
It should be mentioned that, on a rare occasion, there may be a time when a pleasure is so precious that pursuing it justifies withholding an investment in a freedom. This is just another way of saying that you should have the option to break your rule. However, when you exercise this option, do it mindfully: Be clear and honest with yourself about the nature of your choice, before you finalize the decision to invest in a pleasure rather than a freedom.
In summary, the practice of cultivating inner discipline begins with generating a single rule. You should give it some serious thought. The better the rule is the more likely it is that your practice will be rewarding. As mentioned above, it’s a good idea to write your rule down; actually writing your rule will support the practice. Once you have declared your rule, launch it and monitor your hit to miss ratio. If over the first few weeks you follow your rule less than 50% of the time, it is too hard (and/or you overestimated the strength of your inner discipline). It’s back to square one, and you need to come up with an easier, or less demanding, rule. If out of the gate you follow your rule close to 100% of the time it is probably too easy. So, also back to square one, and generate a more challenging rule. If you manage to follow your rule about 70% of the time, you got something to work with. Stick with the practice until you build up to following the rule 100% of the time. After a while it will become effortless. It will automatically transform from a rule into a habit. Given the design you put into it, it will be a good habit. When that happens it may be time to start over with another rule.