Buddhist thinking suggests that suffering is the consequence of attachment (for more details see the discussion on suffering at https://whatilearnedsofar.com/theory/suffering/ ). If (even partially) so, it would more than justify the efforts needed in order to understand the phenomena of attachment and develop ways to replace it with a less detrimental alternative.
Reflexively, when we find ourselves attached to something, and as a result suffering, we often try to detach from it. But detachment also creates a problem in the pursuit of happiness: detachment negates passion. The essence of being detached is withholding caring. As discussed elsewhere, not caring undermines the pursuit of happiness through its negative impact on passion.(https://whatilearnedsofar.com/theory/happiness/)
It would seem that we are stuck with a problem: being attached causes suffering and being detached causes unhappiness. This raises a question — What is a substitute to an attachment that is not detachment? The answer is commitment. The ability to identify and subsequently replace attachments with commitments is a key in the pursuit of happiness.
Attachment, detachment, and commitment describe types of relationships between a consciousness and something outside of it. We can be attached detached or committed to other beings, objects or ideas. The more a relationship is based on an attachment or detachment, the more problematic it will be. The more it is based on a commitment, the healthier it will be. Commitments are compatible with the pursuit of happiness. The alternatives are not.
Let’s identify some of the traits that distinguish attachments from commitments:
- The attached mind is focused on the outcome. The committed mind is focused on the process.
- The attached mind (therefore) has specific expectations. The committed mind has aspirations (which in comparison to expectations are more about a direction than an outcome).
- Because it is focused on a specific outcome, a single destination, the attached mind is insistent. The committed mind is persistent. Persistence is compatible with focus on the process, the journey.
- The attached mind tends to be rigid and stubborn. The committed mind is more flexible and open to negotiations.
- The attached mind is invested in proving itself right. Therefore it responds to criticism defensively and combatively. The committed mind is invested in separating right from wrong. It is therefore open to constructive criticism as a way of getting better.
- The attached mind is invested in control. The committed mind is satisfied with influence.
- The attached mind is willing to use force (which is expressed at a point in time). The committed mind relies on strength (which is expressed over time).
The bottom line is that the attached mind is geared for the pursuit of survival. The committed mind is geared for the pursuit of happiness. Survival mode vs. thrival mode. The differences between these two modes are very important and well worth exploring:
- In the survival mode speed of reaction is paramount. (We are descendants of humans who responded a little quicker to threat than the slightly slower humans who’s genes were removed from the pool by the predators of their day.) In the pursuit of happiness speed is meaningless. Timing is meaningful. In the pursuit of happiness showing up first is of no significance in comparison to showing up at the right time.
- In the pursuit of happiness one aspires to cultivate a non-reactive mind. A reaction depends on and follows judgment. In the survival mode, the faster judgment is produced the better. In the pursuit of happiness not only do we wish to refrain from quick judgment, in principle, we want to cultivate a mind that is (capable of being) altogether non-judgmental.
- In the survival mode, because speed is a critical asset, emotions offer useful guidance. Emotions form much faster than cognitive, language depended, analytical conclusions. Hence, if something feels dangerous, scary, or somehow repulsive it is reasonable to be guided by these feelings and escape (or attack); if the feelings are opposite, i.e., overall attractive, it makes sense to be guided by the attraction. In the pursuit of happiness feelings offer profoundly unreliable guidance. Rather than letting emotions be the guide, guidance in the pursuit of happiness is provided by one’s (examined) values. Hence, in the pursuit of happiness ‘feels good’ and ‘feels bad’ don’t matter. What does matter is the distinction between right and wrong. (I think that this is a very important principle to keep in mind.)
- The survival mode requires a sharp, narrow focus. When survival is threatened, past event, future plans, and others’ affairs are irrelevant. In the pursuit of happiness a broad perspective is an asset if not a requirement. Perspective is broad when it permits the consideration of historical data, future aspirations, and lives of others (perhaps more importantly, the suffering of others).
- Survival is about self preservation. In the survival arena the ‘self’ (elastic as it is; more on this elsewhere) is what it’s all about. The pursuit of happiness is about the reason and the purpose for preserving the ‘self’. By definition, it is bigger than the ‘self’.
- In the survival arena being ‘right’ is supremely important, given that the consequences of being wrong can be irreversibly catastrophic. In the pursuit of happiness being wrong is less of a threat. Being wrong is always a potential lesson that can pay dividends later-on in the journey. Sacrificing progress in the pursuit of happiness for the dubious pleasure of proving oneself to have been right is a common, costly error. The importance of learning to avoid doing this is difficult to overemphasize.
- When these pursuits are carried out by a group, survival efforts are optimized by autocratic leadership. Efforts in the pursuit of happiness are optimized by collaboration and democracy. Consistently, the pursuit of survival hinges on obedience and conformity. The effective pursuit of happiness requires inner discipline.
Placing attention predominantly on the ‘self’ (i.e., self centeredness) has many consequences. It promotes competition rather than cooperation, possessiveness rather than sharing, desire rather than passion. Indeed, the ‘self’ (or the ‘ego’ as it is referred to in the language of psychology) gets in the way of the pursuit of happiness (which offers a clue to the logic behind the aspiration for selflessness that is shared and promoted by all authorities on the pursuit of happiness, such as the Dalai Lama and Pope Francis).
The ‘commitment’ is a mental phenomenon, an idea. It is expressed through a behavior referred to as ‘persistence’. Persistence, in turn, is a behavior hallmarked by adherence to a principle or a rule over time. The capacity to follow a rule over time is the definition of discipline. When the rule is generated internally (as opposed to originating in the surrounding environment) the discipline is referred to as inner discipline. Inner discipline is of the utmost importance in the pursuit of happiness (and therefore it is discussed in detail elsewhere).