Anger is recognized by Buddhist (and other) thinkers as a serious problem. The Dalai Lama states that anger is almost always damaging. In my (perhaps not humble enough) opinion, when it comes to the pursuit of happiness, anger is always damaging. The cost that anger has had in each of our lives is incalculable. Its accumulative cost to humanity is unimaginable.
Given how damaging anger is, it is reasonable to ask why it is so prevalent. The answer has to do with the pace of evolutionary change. Anger, arguably, serves a purpose in life-and-death situations. Anger’s effects on the brain lead to the legitimization of the use of force. Force can indeed make all the difference in the fight for survival. However, in the pursuit of happiness absolutely nothing can be accomplished with the use of force. Hence, in circumstances that are not about survival — i.e., in the pursuit of happiness, anger serves no purpose at all.
From the dawn of humanity until a few hundred years ago most members of our species were largely busy trying to survive. As I just said, under these conditions the ability to anger (and by extension, trigger the use of force) can serve a purpose — the threatened individual may secure another day of living as a result of getting angry and responding to the threat forcefully, i.e., violently.
The socioeconomic changes of the last 250 years or so have led to the formation of a growing fraction of humanity (presently comprising about half of our species) referred to as ‘the middle class’. The defining feature of the middle class (rendering it the greatest achievement of modern humanity, although far from complete) is that members of the middle class are free from continuously dealing with survival threats as a way of life. On the backdrop of this revolutionary progress, anger loses its (arguable) value. This social transformation happened at a speed that far exceeds the pace of evolution. A mere few hundred years is not enough time for human evolution to replace survival-protecting functions that have been around for hundreds of thousands of years, with more sophisticated traits that fit better with the new reality.
The almost universal prevalence (and popularity) of anger is a manifestation of this evolutionary challenge. A rational approach based on accurate awareness of reality with a strong committed to operate accordingly (i.e., a mindful approach) can make a big difference: It can promote the necessary evolutionary upgrade. However difficult it may be, it is not impossible to change even the most deeply engrained habits. It takes a lot of work — a strong commitment, a willingness to tolerate discomfort and countless repetitions in practice, but it is possible to change our anger habit.
Anger induces a state called intoxication. According to Buddhist thinking it is considered one of the six ‘intoxicating emotions’. (The other five are hatred, lust, greed, jealousy and arrogance). The intoxicating emotions (which I will refer to as ‘internal intoxicants’) impact the brain much like externally produced intoxicating molecules (e.g., alcohol, cocaine and heroin) — they all cause a temporary impairment of judgment. In other words, they damage the quality of the brain’s most important product – the choice.
All intoxications (i.e., internal and external) have two phases. An acute phase followed by a second, more subtle phase, during which the brain recuperates from the acute phase, often referred to as the ‘hang-over’ phase. During the hang-over phase the brain is in the process of recovery and is not yet at its baseline level of operations. The quality of choices a brain generates is reduced during both the acute phase and the hang-over phase.
A reduction of the quality of one’s choices is a serious problem. The ‘choice’ is the only instrument with which the human brain can influence the reality in which it exists. In other words — The only way we can exert deliberate influence (on the pursuit of happiness) is via the choices we make: High quality choices support it, poor choices get in the way. Logically, anything known (to even have a potential) to lower the quality of this brain product – the choice, is a serious threat to functioning and should be treated accordingly.
In some ways anger is a more dangerous intoxicant than the external intoxicants. Intoxications on external molecules are inevitably preceded by a behavior (i.e., the actions leading up to the consumption of alcohol, as in “sure, I will have another”). This behavior can and should serve as a warning of the shape of things to come. The soon-to-be-intoxicated person knows that their choice-making capacity is about to be impaired and can plan ahead for it (e.g., assign a designated driver). Anger intoxications in comparison are not preplanned. By the time a person realizes he/she is intoxicated it often is too late to contain the damage.
The hang-over phase also distinguishes anger (and the other internal) intoxications from external intoxications. When dealing with external intoxicants a hang-over is expected. When it comes to anger, the hang-over phase is usually unrecognized and unappreciated. It is common knowledge that one is not going to be at (or near) the top of their game after a night of heavy drinking. Most people take this into consideration and, as much as possible, try to minimize their activity level until they recover fully. That is the reason for the fact that it is more socially acceptable to “party” on Friday and Saturday nights than on nights followed by a workday. The hang-over that is associated with anger is generally unrecognized. As a consequence of overlooking the anger hang-over we don’t typically take time to recover following the acute intoxication with anger. We operate as if the brain is back to its normal, baseline level of functioning as soon as we are done being acutely angry, which is a mistake. The quality of choices generated during the hang-over phase is inevitably sub-par. A lack of awareness of this creates the risk of unknowingly compounding the damage of poor choice making for a duration that lasts well beyond the duration of the acute episode itself.
Anger is a formidable, extraordinarily dangerous enemy. Anger can be brewing beneath the surface of consciousness, unrecognized but still exerting it negative, intoxicating effect on the brain. It can explode, going from zero to full blown in an instant, and continue to exert a negative effect long after it may seem to have run its course. Awareness of anger and its impact often arrives too late, after the damage is done. All this can be modified with the practice of cultivating anger management skills. As I said above, it is hard work, but it is unquestionably worth the effort.
The Unique Aspects of Anger
Anger has three unique features that need to be recognized and appreciated to increase the likelihood of faring well in the encounter with it.
The first and most peculiar aspect of anger is that under its influence, anger registers as a right, an entitlement. I have heard from my patients (and experienced first hand) more times than I care to remember statements such as “This time, I have every right to be angry!” or its close variant: “I am entitled to be angry!” The absurdity of such thinking is relatively easy to appreciate when we are not angry. Strangely, a temporary blindness to the senselessness of this ridiculous notion is an integral part of the intoxication on anger. Once angry we tend to believe that anger is somehow precious, so much so that we can not afford to give it up: “They can take everything away from me, but they cant take away my anger”. The misguided belief that anger adds a value to a situation is linked to the misperception that getting angry is somehow validating of one’s position. By extension, the absence of anger in the face of disagreement is often wrongly considered as undermining the validity of one’s experience, or as a lack of conviction in one’s views.
It may be easy to understand the circumstances that lead to anger (be it one’s own or another person’s). Understanding why you are (or someone else is) angry should not be confused with regarding anger as if it was a right or an entitlement. Anger is an entitlement as much as lung disease is an entitlement of a smoker or diabetes is a right of the obese. It’s an absurd notion that oddly seems reasonable while under the influence of anger. So, as a matter of principle, one should be very leery (putting it mildly) of the notion that anger is valuable. It makes sense to be vigilant and watch-out for this misguided belief with preparedness to reject it regardless of its point of origin, be it external or from within.
Various figures throughout recorded history have repugnantly attempted to profit from the primitive human inclination to consider anger a right. There are all too many many examples of politicians, past and present, inciting anger for the purpose of self promotion. They deliver the same message in a variety of ways, which is that anger is the followers’ unalienable right that needs protecting. Manufacturing a survival threat is an integral component of these marketing campaigns, often with tragic consequences. Contrary opinions are typically labeled as betraying, adding fuel to the fire.
The following quote from Hermann Goering, Nazi Reichsmarshall and Luftwaffe-Chief chillingly illustrated the point (in an interview conducted shortly after the end of the second world war): “People can always be brought to the bidding of the leaders. That is easy. All you have to do is tell them they are being attacked and denounce the pacifists for lack of patriotism, and exposing the country to great danger.” Yikes.
An acute awareness of the fallacy of the notion that anger could be a ‘right’, an entitlement, or that it could have a value is necessary for dealing with it effectively. Developing this awareness is one of the aspirations in the practice of cultivating mindful anger management skills.
The second feature unique to anger is that it generates the conviction of the presence of an enemy. When angry, we automatically search for that enemy, confident that it is in our midst. The search for the enemy under the influence of anger typically yields results: Somebody will be crowned ‘the enemy’, regardless of whether or not they truly are. It can be an innocent bystander, your closest friend or the person who loves you most. Under the influence of anger anybody can be labeled ‘the enemy’ and, more often than not, somebody will be. Once the enemy is “identified”, anger (which, as I said earlier, is a survival protecting device) legitimizes the use of force in dealing with the enemy. When in reality the situation is not about survival, and/or when the “enemy” is not truly an enemy, the guidance offered by anger is, without exception, ruinous.
I think that when we start getting angry the brain senses the danger posed by anger itself; this can set off the ‘enemy is closing in’ alarm. But, anger itself – the true enemy, goes under the radar. With the anger undetected and the alarm blasting we look with urgency for an enemy in our vicinity. The search typically doesn’t stop until an enemy is ‘found and dealt with’, typically with force. The price for this anger-driven misdirected animosity can range from low cost (e.g., the need to apologize) to unaffordable (e.g., an irreversible loss of a precious relationship).
Making matters worse, while anger is in the mix it is impossible to reliably assess whether or not there actually is an enemy around (other than the anger itself). Of course, anger doesn’t preclude the presence of another enemy. One may have multiple enemies simultaneously trying cause harm. In order to assess the nature and the magnitude of a threat reliably, one must first neutralize the anger, detoxify. Otherwise, under its influence it is easy to label a friend a foe, while ignoring the real threat.
The third feature unique to anger is that it is contagious. Spending time with an angry person is a risk factor for getting angry. It requires considerable practice to get to a point where one can interact with an angry person or people without being affected. Two (or more) people interacting angrily may turn on an anger feed-back loop thus escalating their angers’ intensities to levels previously unknown to either one.
I think that it is very important to develop a realistic appreciation of how dangerous and costly anger always is. An awareness of the unavoidably costly consequences of anger is useful, of not necessary, in order to sustain the commitment to practice and cultivate the skills to contain and diffuse it.
The Formation of Anger
All organisms capable of sensing pain have a built-in pain management reflex known as the fight-or-flight reflex. When an organism is in pain, one of four possible scenarios follows:
(1) The cause is not serious and the pain resolves spontaneously.
(2) The cause is serious enough to kill the animal.
(3) The animal manages to escape from the cause.
(4) The animal fights with the cause and either wins the fight to live another day, or not (in which case, see #2).
For all species but ours this simple system works remarkably well. In humanity’s case things depart from this script. For our species there is another scenario, that actually plays out quite frequently: We can experience pains that do not resolve spontaneously, are not lethal, and from which neither escape nor a fight are options. The nature of such pains — physical or mental is largely irrelevant. The encounter with persistent, non-lethal (i.e., chronic) pain is so common it can be considered a defining feature of the human condition. By extension, the ability to deal with chronic pain with dignity may also be considered a defining human trait.
Experiments in which an animal is subjected to non-lethal pain from which it can’t flee (or fight) reveal a relevant pattern. When the animal appreciates the futility of its fight-or-flight attempts one of two things happens. In some animals the ‘flight’ arm of the reflex evolves into a state of despair. These animals go into a state known as ‘learned helplessness’. Learned helplessness is considered an animal model for human depression and is frequently used in research in the field, most notably in developing antidepressant medications. Alternatively, the ‘fight’ arm of the fight-or-flight reflex evolves into rage. The animal becomes aggressive and tends to attack without a provocation. A mixed variant exists, in which the animal goes back and forth between anger and despair. (BTW, therein lies the origin of the well recognized link between anger and depression, most eloquently nailed by Steven Wright who said: “Depression is nothing more than anger without the enthusiasm.”)
When a human brain finds itself trapped in an ongoing pain, i.e., when the fight-or-flight reflex is rendered ineffective, the flight arm of the reflex evolves into despair and the fight arm into anger.
The intensity of anger is on a continuum, with different words used to describe its different intensity levels. At its lowest intensity we call it frustration. The next level is irritation, followed by frank anger. The highest intensity it is called rage. The likelihood of intervening effectively to diffuse anger is highest when it is at the lowest intensity level, while in the frustration range. At the rage level, the likelihood of effective mindful intervention is essentially nil.
Frustration — a precursor to anger, forms on the backdrop of the mind’s conviction (i.e., attachment to the idea) that obtaining something will be most gratifying (like a sweet dessert after a meal). When the attached mind perceives a barrier preventing it from obtaining that gratification a primitive urge to break through the barrier (by using force) can emerge. When this urge is blocked (externally or internally) tension forms. We call this tension ‘frustration’. If it is not resolved it can easily (d)evolve into anger which, in turn, legitimizes the use of force in order to obtain the gratification — the sweetness to which the mind is so attached.
Patience is the antidote to frustration. Successfully applying patience to frustration will prevent it from blossoming into anger. The value of the ability to do that (given the guaranteed, incalculable cost of anger) is difficult to overemphasize.
When the intensity of frustration increases to the level of frank anger, patience is no longer powerful enough as an antidote. Frustration escalates under two general conditions: One is when the sought after gratification is perceived as a relief from pain (rather than an upgrade from some baseline; e.g., when seeking food to obtain relief from the pain of hunger, as opposed to the seeking dessert for its sweet flavor following a meal). The second condition comes into play when that which prevents achieving the gratification is perceived as a trap from which there is no escape, rather than a barrier that can be circumvented. These perceptions can be objective, based on facts, or subjective and created one’s own mind. Either way, the conclusion that a discomfort has become intolerable pain, and/or that a barrier has become a prison will support the progression from frustration to irritation, anger, and ultimately — rage.
At that level, past frustration, when patience is not a powerful enough antidote, tolerance is called for. Tolerance is the antidote for anger. As is the case with cultivating patience, the importance of cultivating tolerance can not be overemphasized.
Since the build-up to anger (and/or the despair, essentially the same thing) is composed of two parts – a pain and a trap, it makes sense that its management would be based on a two-prong approach — one focuses on the pain and the other on the trap.
The first step in dealing with anger mindfully (our own or somebody else’s) is understanding the pain at its roots. Sometimes it is obvious; many times it is not. Correctly unveiling the nature of the pain (and from it, the associated suffering and possibly, misery), especially in real-time, typically requires a considerable effort, but is always worth making. A systematic analysis of the pain that results in an accurate understanding of it is a precondition for having deliberate influence over it. Witnessing oneself as an effective agent in the encounter with pain automatically changes the experience and typically leads to reduction or containment of the anger that is otherwise guaranteed to make matters worse. (Go to https://whatilearnedsofar.com/theory/suffering/ for more on Pain)
To further reduce (or resolve) the anger, the entrapment must also be addressed. This is done by cultivating forgiveness, acceptance, and hope. Each is a key that opens a way out of our traps. Interestingly, the state of mind that forms when forgiveness, acceptance and hope are turned-on simultaneously is non other but compassion! (More on all that elsewhere.)
Each of these three components of compassion is supported by a more basic state of mind: Forgiveness is supported by humility. Acceptance is supported by gratitude. Hope is supported by patience and tolerance. It is impossible to over-emphasize the importance of cultivating these traits in the pursuit of happiness and therefore they are discussed separately (for example: http://wp.me/P7aKBB-73 and http://wp.me/P7aKBB-aP ; some of these topics are in the works and are currently pending).