Gratitude is important in the pursuit of happiness because it promotes acceptance (which, in turn, is the required relationship between ‘the mind’ and ‘the present’). It is easier to accept a reality when there is something in it that is recognized as worthy of gratitude. Therefore, it is logical to make a strong commitment to the practice of cultivating gratitude.
Gratitude is composed of two elements: One is the ‘what’ (to be thankful for), and the other is the ‘who’ (to be thankful to). In other words, the first element is the appreciation of the value of something you possess; the second is the identification of its source.
For example, this very moment you may be grateful for reading these words. Any of the numerous requirements that must be met in order for it to be possible for you to read this (e.g. a working computer, access to the internet, reading and comprehension skills, a non-distracting environment, and the time to read this, to name a few) can be considered that ‘something’ of value. Any or all of these count as the ‘what’ you have to be thankful for. The ‘who’ to aim your thanks at, i.e. the chosen recipient for your gratitude, may be God. Combined, these realizations yield gratitude, which you could express saying “Thank God for making it possible for me to read this”.
The practice of cultivating gratitude amounts to bringing these two parts into focus, into conscious awareness. The practitioner’s task is to answer the two questions – ‘What, in this present moment, do I have to be thankful for?’ and ‘Who should I be thankful to?’
In good times that which one can be grateful for is obvious. The better the time is the easier it is to identify things to be grateful for. Other times, especially when dealing with hardship and suffering – which is when gratitude is most called for, it can be elusive. Either way, by asking yourself “What might I lose right now that would make this moment worse than it actually is?” you will find something (and often more than one thing) that is deserving of your appreciation. When you identify something you have that you could lose you have discovered the “thing” to be grateful for.
If you are honest with yourself and give it a fair shot, you will always find an answer to the question “what could I lose right now that would make matters worse?” I have personal experience that makes me very confident of this. I was a patient in intensive care some time ago. Not one of my best times, but certainly a precious opportunity to practice mindfulness. Since acceptance was somewhat of a challenge, the practice of cultivating gratitude was particularly relevant. Compiling a list of things that I could lose and thus have matters become worse was surprisingly easy. My list included some obvious entries — health insurance, access to a hospital and medications (especially anti-pain meds!), the kindness and competency of (granted, some, not all) the nurses and doctors, and the loving attention of my family (including brother Rey!). Other entries in the list were somewhat less obvious and required some searching — the graceful discretion of the cleaning person, the kind humor of the guy who delivered my (largely uneatable) meals, and the air-conditioner in the room (it was in the middle of a hot summer). Obvious or not, each item on the list represented something I was sincerely grateful for. The point is that if you make a sincere effort searching for it, you will find something (and usually more than one thing) that you could lose and thus have matters become worse in any situation, no matter how grave it is. At times it is obvious and easy to identify (e.g., the love of someone who loves you, a home, availability of food, your cell phone, etc.). Other times it may not be obvious, requiring some contemplation and creative thinking (e.g., ability to move air in and out of your lungs without coughing, or bladder control). Something to be grateful for is guaranteed to be there, always. Discovering it is the first step in the practice of cultivating gratitude.
The next step is to identify the deserving recipients of your gratitude. The targets at which you should be aiming your gratitude. The question “Who should I be grateful to (for each of the entries on the list you produced in the previous step)?” may seem unmanageably big and difficult to answer, but it isn’t, if you approach it systematically. The systematic approach to this question is based on the understanding that all possible recipients for gratitude fall into three categories.
The first categorical recipient of gratitude is God. God, if you got one, is always there, ready, if not eager, to receive your gratitude. Gratitude is of such importance in the pursuit of happiness that, arguably, if our gods did nothing else but serve as ever-ready recipients for gratitude, that alone would be a good enough reason to have them. (The Judeo-Christian God appears peculiarly needy of human gratitude. God’s vehement demand for human gratitude makes sense with the understanding that this gratitude promotes humans’ pursuit of happiness, not God’s needs.) Bringing God into the pursuit of happiness may rub some atheists the wrong way. No problem. The extreme, hard core atheists can use their “lucky stars” as an alternative to god to aim their gratitude at. Revisiting the example at the beginning of this section, the devout atheist could say “I thank my lucky stars for the fact that it is possible for me to read this” (and then again, perhaps arguably, — there are no atheists in the fox-holes; or as motorcyclists put it, there are no atheists beyond 100mph).
The second categorical recipient of gratitude is some person. Using the example above – gratitude for your ability to read this, the person to aim your gratitude at may be your first grade teacher who taught you to read, or your optometrist who gave you the correct prescription for your glasses. If you search enough you will probably come up with additional, equally deserving recipients.
The Dalai Lama (among others) reminds us that when-and-if you can’t identify a person that deserves to be a target for your gratitude you can always aim it at your mother. Even if she failed you in everything else, she still carried safely in her uterus to the time of delivery and, in the vast majority of cases, took care of you for some time thereafter. Were it not for that you wouldn’t be around to be grateful for whatever it is you are grateful for.
The third recipient is you. You (of the past) are always a target for your own gratitude. Without exception, a choice you have made at some point in the past plays a role in that which you are grateful for in the present.
Applied correctly, self directed gratitude never deteriorates to a narcissistic celebration. The focus of self aimed gratitude is a good choice you have made at some point in the past. A choice that had to have been made in order for you to be grateful for something in the present. It’s about the quality of the choice not about the quality of the choice maker. The good choice may have been the choice to cooperate with your teacher when you learned to read, or to make the appointment with your optometrist which led to getting your glasses.
Since self directed gratitude is always focused on a good choice you have made, it automatically serves as an encouragement to make good choices moving forward. From a Buddhist standpoint, gratitude underscores the connection between cause and effect; highlighting your good karma. In that regard, gratitude is a celebration of the discovery of a good cause and its desired effect.
I think it is a good idea to practice cultivating gratitude everyday, a number of times a day. It is useful to practice cultivating gratitude when things are easy so that the skill is developed and ready for use when things get more difficult.
I have trained my mind to think about gratitude whenever I turn on a water faucet (this makes sense to me given that approximately two billion human beings, no different from me in any meaningful way, do not have regular access to safe drinking water). So, when I turn on running water I now automatically hear myself thinking “what could I lose right now that would make this moment worse?” Sometimes the answer is just that — essentially unlimited supply of clean, safe running water. I then thank God (sometimes, my lucky stars) for what I have. Then I think about the people (invisible as they may be to me, they doubtlessly exist) who must do their jobs everyday in order for me to have this luxury. Other times I may think about my mother. Lastly, I reflect on my contribution — the choice to pay my utility bills on time, for example. Sometimes the sight and sound of running water is a reminder of other things, completely unrelated, that I appreciate and focus on as the center-piece for my practice of gratitude. Details vary but the practice remains the same.